There is no other way to describe the mind over matter that took place today as I finally braved the murky waters of the maternity sections at Target and Ross. I'd peeked over there briefly once before, but was instantly hit with an emotion I can only liken to walking in on your parents having sex when you're 5...and yes, that really happened to me as well! I guess if you want to keep it G rated, you can liken it to the first time you dove into the deep end of a pool. Either way, it was scary stuff!
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Perhaps it's because I've never gone maternity shopping with anyone else. I'd seen the extremely strange pants before, but never had I actually tried them on myself. Talk about a weird experience. I am doubly cursed, because I have an abnormally large ass in comparison to my waist, so here I am faced with the saaaame conundrum I have faced my entire life; If I buy pants large enough to fit over my ass, the waist is still ridiculously large. Baby's got back, and clearly that has not changed with the presence of an actual baby. The only jeans and pants that have ever fit correctly are from Express or Michael Kors.
As with anything else though, I did not give up! I tried and tried until I found some things that actually worked for me in the form of dresses, maxi skirts and a boatload of comfy shirts. And drumroll please... I walked away with two whole bags of clothes (3 long sleeve tops, 4 short sleeves, 3 tank tops, 1 cami, 1 maxi dress, 1 maxi skirt, 1 tunic/dress thing, and a belly band) all for under $200! Think I set a record on that trip for deal stealing.
I'd like to add that whomever invented this belly band idea deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. You don't even have to be pregnant to use this thing. Apparently it is made for problem preggos just like me who need help with the transition into and out of maternity pants. However, it could just as easily be used for a fat day. You basically just leave your regular pants unbuttoned with the fly wide open and then scoot this wide spandex band over the top to hold the pants up and smooth out any visible buttons or lines...which hides the fact your pants are completely undone under your shirt. Genius!
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Is it just me, or should someone create a line of these for plumbers? I feel like I've been living under a rock or something, but better to discover late than never. This little gem is seriously going to save us some coin, because now I can rock my regular pants and jeans a wee bit longer. Believe me, I'm not in total denial though. I know that eventually my ass is going to double in size and there will be no hope for a measly opening of the fly to save the day. For now, it's a life saver and I'm grateful for it!
Today's epiphany: No wonder I felt like I was sucking my stomach in for so long. Everything was too damn small. I feel like I can finally breathe now! The last thing I tried on reluctantly on a whim ended up being my favorite...
And speaking of taking the plunge, I also broke down and got highlights this week. After waiting it out the entire first trimester, and becoming so frumpy and downtrodden I didn't even want to leave my own house, I was given clearance along with the usual "You worry too much" nod of the head from my OB. Also, my justification for believing in the safety of highlights was that if billions of pregnant people have soaked their entire body and largest organ with billions of sponge-like pores (the skin) in chlorine filled swimming pools for hours on end without issue, then why should applying hair dye without even touching the scalp to dead hair affect anything? Yeah, I think I'm safe there.
Other rebellious and outlandish things I've done this week include eating Chik-Fil-A (with gluten-filled sandwich bun) for lunch today and eating 2.5 Boar's Head turkey & cheddar sandwiches for dinner last night. Those of you who know me know that I am normally a very healthy eater. Up until now, my cravings have just been for vegetables, fruits, and all things healthy...nothing new at all. Well, not this week!
Someone I have never met before has snatched my body and is craving deli meat, cheese, and bread. I never had any real cravings up until this point, but it's like I can't get enough cheddar cheese especially. I'm eating sandwiches like they're going out of style. Additionally, I may or may not have made 2 dozen homemade monster cookies as well....
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Damn that Paula Deen and her tasty recipes! Does it count that these are gluten-free? No, still not healthy? Oh well, I am learning to let go a little and enjoy things when I want them. I have the whole rest of my life to be fit, and I can't help that I'm so damn hungry! I did give away 18 of these ginormous cookies, because otherwise I would have eaten them all.
Not to worry, Preston is still being fed a mostly organic diet, and I'm eating healthy at least 70% of the time. I guess I should feel lucky I lasted until 16 weeks before the maternity clothes and cravings came into play. However, I'm just warning you ahead of time; There is a very good chance I may blow up to the size of a bounce house by the time summer arrives. I guess I'm just becoming OK with embracing the adventures into maternity land, and by God, I'm going to indulge in a little dairy, gluten, and sugar here and there if I want to!
As with anything else though, I did not give up! I tried and tried until I found some things that actually worked for me in the form of dresses, maxi skirts and a boatload of comfy shirts. And drumroll please... I walked away with two whole bags of clothes (3 long sleeve tops, 4 short sleeves, 3 tank tops, 1 cami, 1 maxi dress, 1 maxi skirt, 1 tunic/dress thing, and a belly band) all for under $200! Think I set a record on that trip for deal stealing.
I'd like to add that whomever invented this belly band idea deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. You don't even have to be pregnant to use this thing. Apparently it is made for problem preggos just like me who need help with the transition into and out of maternity pants. However, it could just as easily be used for a fat day. You basically just leave your regular pants unbuttoned with the fly wide open and then scoot this wide spandex band over the top to hold the pants up and smooth out any visible buttons or lines...which hides the fact your pants are completely undone under your shirt. Genius!
Is it just me, or should someone create a line of these for plumbers? I feel like I've been living under a rock or something, but better to discover late than never. This little gem is seriously going to save us some coin, because now I can rock my regular pants and jeans a wee bit longer. Believe me, I'm not in total denial though. I know that eventually my ass is going to double in size and there will be no hope for a measly opening of the fly to save the day. For now, it's a life saver and I'm grateful for it!
Today's epiphany: No wonder I felt like I was sucking my stomach in for so long. Everything was too damn small. I feel like I can finally breathe now! The last thing I tried on reluctantly on a whim ended up being my favorite...
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| It's much cuter on too! |
Other rebellious and outlandish things I've done this week include eating Chik-Fil-A (with gluten-filled sandwich bun) for lunch today and eating 2.5 Boar's Head turkey & cheddar sandwiches for dinner last night. Those of you who know me know that I am normally a very healthy eater. Up until now, my cravings have just been for vegetables, fruits, and all things healthy...nothing new at all. Well, not this week!
Someone I have never met before has snatched my body and is craving deli meat, cheese, and bread. I never had any real cravings up until this point, but it's like I can't get enough cheddar cheese especially. I'm eating sandwiches like they're going out of style. Additionally, I may or may not have made 2 dozen homemade monster cookies as well....
Not to worry, Preston is still being fed a mostly organic diet, and I'm eating healthy at least 70% of the time. I guess I should feel lucky I lasted until 16 weeks before the maternity clothes and cravings came into play. However, I'm just warning you ahead of time; There is a very good chance I may blow up to the size of a bounce house by the time summer arrives. I guess I'm just becoming OK with embracing the adventures into maternity land, and by God, I'm going to indulge in a little dairy, gluten, and sugar here and there if I want to!